I decided to take my kids to Universal Studios Orlando for Spring Break. AAA thought I was crazy as I was booking the trip so close to Spring Break and the demand was through the roof. Oh well. After plunking a ton of money (much thanks to Pops Stanton) we were off.
We get to Dulles and use the skycap to book us. I give him $20 for 10 minutes worth of work, but its money well spent. We are super early and I keep asking my kids if they are hungry. No they kept saying until it starts getting around lunch time. Then every food place in the terminal is busy and the plane is about to board. The plane had an issue concerning a warning light and was taken care of. Thank God.
We get to Orlando Airport and it is huge! We had to get our luggage at one end and hop on the bus to another end. It was like were in the park! The hotel was Universal’s Cabana Beach Resort. The place was a throwback to 1962. It was big as a small college. But; your paying 2062 prices! The place was very clean and well maintained. We got there wearing pants. Everyone else was in shorts. I saw girls in bikini’s (of course I did!). In March! That was a nice change of pace. My kids went to the pool and the pool had a hotel bar. And they make a good Jack and Coke! There was a lazy river where they rented the cheapest tubes for $9! I had cash. I went to rent the tube and they only could take credit card! I asked to charge it to my room, and they said only credit card! Ugh!
The hotel had a food service facility that’s similar to Disney’s All Star Resorts. With the same prices. So I used Doordash which is slightly cheaper than eating in the hotel or parks! Now I know why I only go out on special occasions!
Wednesday morning and the parks open at 9 am. We took the shuttle bus and there was a line to go through security screening and there was a line to get into the park!
We get into the park at 0919. My kids wants to go on the Minion ride which was a 45 minute wait! WTF!? The place just opened and its a 45 minute wait!? We went on some other 3D/4D rides. Two things that blew my mind was that Universal Studios has an area for Marvel comic book heroes! Marvel was bought by Disney which has a park down the road! But; there was a licensing agreement between Universal and Marvel which allows Marvel characters on Universal property.
Another thing that made me scratch my head was the Comic Strip area. Back in the day Universal used to syndicate comic strips for the newspapers. But; newspaper circulation is dwindling, and I can’t remember the last time I saw a comic strip in a newspaper. And there they were; stores for Cathy, beetle bailey, Hagar the Horrible, Blondie and Gasoline Alley! Gasoline Alley was started in 1918! Kids and most adults don’t know about these comic strip characters! I do because I’m…old!
We went to Springfield like on the Simpsons! I was in hog heaven!
Of course I tried a famous Duff beer! It was really good! It should be for almost $14! We went over to the Harry Potter world at Universal Studios. I could care less about Harry Potter but people love Harry Potter.
We saw most of Universal Studios so my kids wanted to go to Islands of Adventure. They had a Harry Potter Train that went between the parks. That took forever. It would have been faster to leave the park and walk next door! But…….. We get to the other Harry Potter place which looked really neat. And crowded! They sold something called Butter Beer which people were lining up like they were giving away government cheese! One cup; $9! It tasted like fancy cream soda. And it had no alcohol in it!
We walked around and saw A Jurassic Park water ride that was neat and my kids found a Dudley Do Right Log Ride which they got wet! We went back to the hotel where we got some more food which was a pain in the ass with more than one Doordash driver and I threw in a beer run! The beer was actually reasonable! We went back to the pool where i continued to suck down booze and look at girls and made sure my kids were above water!
The next morning, we went back to Universal’s Islands of Adventures. But before; my little one didn’t pack some rain gear, so we went to the gift shop and spent $11 on a rain poncho! It started to rain a little bit and the kids wanted to go to Dr Suess land. We went on a little train that was for toddlers. Then it rained briefly and we were off to the Popeye’s ride. And it warned everyone that you will get wet! And we did. Thankfully my windbreaker was very water resistant and my phone, and park tickets were dry! We spent the entire day at Islands of Adventure. The kids were too tired for the pool.
Friday it was supposed to be hot and sunny. The temperature was going up to 80. And we couldn’t find the sunscreen. We spent $21 for sunscreen. I didn’t want to walk around with sunscreen in my pocket so I hid it in a place at Islands of Adventure. But: we exited the park via Universal Studios! We got to the main entrance and the security line was long. We had Express passes that cost over $350 each to bypass the lines. But I had to wait in line to get the Express passes then wait in another line to get into the park! We went to Harry Potter land My kids went on the motorcycle ride with a wait of 150 minutes. That’s two and a half hours. Oh; there was no Express pass line! My kids went on that Harry Potter coaster and we went on a Harry Potter 4D ride where I got motion sickness! The kids wanted to go back on the Jurassic Park water ride, but it was closed! They wanted to go on the Dudley Do Right water ride. All right! But; even with the Express Pass it was a 50 minute wait! WTF!? The kids went on the Kong ride which I didn’t go on and it was another 50 minutes! Ugh. I stayed off as my stomach was still queasy! We got some food at the Jurassic Park pizza joint. 2 small plate sized pies, a ceaser salad and an oil can of Fosters. The cost of a 16 oz can was $11. The Fosters was $14 so I figured I was still a little a head of the game and those oil cans went down smooth! The kids saw everything they wanted and we took the Harry Potter train back to Universal Studios where we couldn’t use the Express Pass! We went on the Simpson’s ride where I still felt sick! They had a big coaster there where they had to offload at the top! The next time you ride the MTA or Metro, be happy your train is offloaded on the platform! I stopped at souvenier stands to look at some junk. There was a key chain with the name “Daniela.” Close but no cigar. There was no “Scoop” keychains either.
Here’s the Ugly, the Bad and the Good. The ugly. The cost. Insane. I know Universal needs to make a buck, but Jesus! The Express pass was not worth it with that many people. Also; the Universal App was some total garbge! Comcast is a communication company. Fix the app. Even Doordash was crazy. I ordered breakfast food and one place I was charged $5 for hot chocolate. My last meal I ordered directly from a local pizza place. They use Doordash so I got a fee and automatic tip put on my bill. A large cheese and small pepperoni: $40. Also; my ex wife called me in DC to tell me that she wasn’t feeling good! I was literally at Universal Studios Island of Adventure! The kids were with me! She felt shitty so she wanted to spread the misery!
The bad: Crowds. I hate crowds unless they are at a party at Luciano’s! I understand its Spring Break, but maybe Universal should do something about the capacity. Rides: for the money people spent to walk through the doors, the rides should be working like a Swiss watch. Fix your stuff! Updates: People under the age of 40 have no idea on who Gasoline Alley or Beetle Bailey is. People can relate to online video games, or YouTube or Netflix. I’m surprised I didn’t see Amos N’ Andy. Jaws: The movie Jaws saved Universal Studios from going under. Jaws was the first summer blockbuster. Jaws was a Universal picture. The Jaws ride went away. The only thing remaining was a shark that’s supposed to be “Bruce.” But; Jaws nerds like me know that the shark hung on the pier was not “Bruce.”
The good: Skycaps! Why people won’t grease a few bucks to use a skycap is mind boggling. I flew United. The counters at Dulles and Orlando were a mess. I went to the skycaps to check in, get my boarding passes, and check my bags. Five minutes each time! TSA: they had their shit together. The Cabana Beach Hotel: clean, well maintained, great staff and great bartenders. And of course the 75 family! I was able to text with everyone and even spoke to Mike and Charlie LeDuff. LeDuff has a whole bunch of information we have an exclusive on! But: Walter is still sick! (Get well my friend!), I’m on vacation (half in the bag) and Mike’s working! And of course the lovely Danila Rorigues who loved the pictures of the kids and puts up with my annoying texts!
This was a trip of a lifetime. Hopefully it’s one my kids will never forget!
SEVEN FIVE RADIO 